To Ask Or Not To Ask, That Is The Question


Once, in Wal-Mart, I met a pretty cool family. I was wheeling down an aisle, and the mom, dad and daughter were standing there shopping. They started asking me some of the usual questions. But then the dad asked me something unusual.


Dad: Do you like it when people offer to help you? Like, to hold open doors, or help you onto the bus?

Me: Oh yeah, I take any help I can get.

Dad: I drive a city bus. We have a lot of handicapped passengers who ride and I find that some HATE being asked if they want help. Sometimes, though, if I don't offer help, someone will get mad and say "can you PLEASE help me?". I never know what to do.

Me: That's interesting. I do know there are disabled folks out there that just want to be treated normally. They don't want to be asked if they need help because they just want to do everything themselves.

Dad: Good to know.

Me: I guess my advice would be to continue to ask first, but don't just grab someone's arm to assist them. Ask first.

Dad: Cool! I'm glad I met you!

Me: Me too!

This was such an interesting conversation. I do know there are crips out there that get incensed when asked if they need help. They feel that they would like to be treated like everyone else and if everyone else isn't getting asked if they need help with a door, then the handicapped person doesn't want to be asked either.

I have met a number of handicapped persons and have found that the higher percentage of them are people who want the help, want to be asked, and need the help. I am one of them.

Weirdly enough, when I go to my local H.E.B. grocery store, I find that they rarely ask me if I need help getting my items out to my car. It's weird. They'll ask the 6 foot strapping young man if he needs help, but they won't ask me. I have a feeling that the employees at H.E.B. have met up with that small percentage of crips that don't like to be asked if they need help.

My opinion: Ask anyway. Ask if someone needs help and be prepared for the possible responses to run the gamut. Don't take offense if someone says "no, thank you". Keep asking because at some point a disabled person will say "God, yes, these doors are incredibly heavy... Thank you so much!" That will make it all worth it.


HCAPS: Do you prefer not being asked if you need help? Give me your opinions!


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