Stand By Me

QUESTION: Sherri said...

I have a question/comment about the "please stand" thing. The friends I have in wheel/power chairs usually complain about stiff necks leaning back to talk with me (I'm on the tall side). Because I have my own lower back/hip problems, I can't stand still for very long, but I can crouch, kneel or just sit on the floor pretty easily if we could not move somewhere there were chairs.

It always seemed a good compromise. I had no idea that some might consider it insulting. If I do get involved in a "standing" conversation with someone in a chair who doesn't know me well, do I need to explain that my kneeling/sitting has more to do with me than with them, or should I just skip an explanation that might be considered patronizing?


ANSWER: I guess the best answer is to simply do what you would do talking to anyone else. If your back hurt while talking to a non-crip, you'd pull up a chair and offer an explanation.

The one thing to remember is that this whole issue boils down to how the person in the wheelchair feels.

If you are talking to friends in wheelchairs, then ask each one individually how they feel about you kneeling to speak to them and abide by their wishes.

Just realize that there's a big difference between you, as a friend, talking to your crip friend while kneeling OR having every Tom, Dick, and Mary kneel every time they talk to your crip friend. Try to understand how much that action would remind the crip that society feels the need to treat them with "kid" gloves, kneeling down to them like they are 5 years old.


QUESTION #2:

Secondary question -- I do art shows where I sell hand made jewelry. It is usually displayed in such a way as to make customers handling it without assistance difficult(to prevent theft and damage). Very often I help a customer try on a piece by fastening a bracelet or necklace, helping with a tight ring, or holding the mirror while they try on earrings. It occurs to me that someone in a wheelchair might be more sensitive to such "assistance", even though the wheelchair has nothing to do with the situation.. Again, should I refrain from explaining so as not to appear patronizing and just conduct myself as usual, or is there some more graceful way you could suggest to handle this situation?


ANSWER: For me, the answer lies in your question: "... even though the wheelchair has nothing to do with the situation...".

In this case, just treat the person in the wheelchair like you would any other customer.

============================
Sherri, thank you so much for your honest questions! If your wheelchair friends are interested, I'd love to have them comment here about their own experiences and have them give their own viewpoints on this issue!

The WillaWoman

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